Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
