he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
