i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
