your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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