I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
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She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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