if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
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i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
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in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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