worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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