Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
