tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
