the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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