Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
