No awkward lesbian experiences without me
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
