Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
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The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
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her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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