the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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