They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
