On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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