I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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