people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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