My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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