no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
