...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
