So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
