I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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