If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
