why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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