dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
