Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
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