need another drink. this is the easiest way
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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