in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
