if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
