so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
