dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
