are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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