Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Watching her eat just hurts me
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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