Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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