very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
