My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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