My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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