I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
