There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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