found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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