no, he came in my armpit
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
