brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
