Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
