Fine. I'll sleep in my office
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Randomize
