So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
