Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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