I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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