My liver just broke up with me...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
