Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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