sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
