The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
