Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We're too hungover to prance.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
