I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
