i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
