This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
