Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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