I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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