We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
