A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
