if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
