I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
