He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
