Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
