I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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