Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
