I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
