she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
