I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
