Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
