How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
