I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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