Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
