This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
