I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
