My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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