I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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