That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
