OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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