The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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